Funny how life works, sometimes. I started this blog to try and gather a small community for myself online. I wasn’t prepared to advertise it, however, and got quickly discouraged when my stats remained low. Meanwhile, the original purpose of the blog in itself–to catalog my journey to write my ninth book–was also fading in relevance. Though I got 29,000 words into my project, I felt as if writing every single paragraph brought on a new headache. My heart was not in the story as deeply as I needed it to be. And finally, I came to terms with the fact that if it caused such a great strain on my psyche, perhaps I shouldn’t be writing it.
Now that I’ve begun to recover from these challenges, I’ve realized that they are quite appropriate to the purpose of my blog, after all. Sometimes, to write a good book, you must be able to realize when your heart’s no longer in a project and move on. I think that I’ll eventually return to the “Alexandra” project. It was a good idea and I did enjoy certain aspects of it. Right now, however, my heart is calling me somewhere else. I want to write a sequel to my last book.
Out of the eight books I’ve written, only two of them were together as a duo. Later, when I got more serious about trying to publish my work, I scared myself away from writing “sequels” and “trilogies.” I told myself that it was pointless enough to write one book that no one would read. How much worse, then, would it be to write a book that was also dependent on reading the book before it?
Recently, I finally met someone else who is a passionate writer, and also in school for writing. Her lessons have taught that her publishers are actually more likely to publish books–especially science fictions and fantasies–that carry the promise of sequels. If the book is a success, that’s more money for them, right? Franchises are much loved in business. The more I thought about it, the more I realized she was right.
Though my last book was not a science fiction or fantasy, it still carries great potential as a series. Even when I started it, I occasionally paused to foreshadow my ideas for future books. In any case, I’ve convinced myself that it’s safe to do what my heart really wants me to do, and write the sequel to my historical fiction.
The truth is, whether published or unpublished, writing has to come from the heart. Otherwise, what’s the point? My sister gave me a wonderful book for Christmas called “Letters to a Young Poet” by Rainer Maria Rilke, who offers great advice. “Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write” (pg 6).
Clearly, I can’t go along in life without writing, otherwise I wouldn’t keep torturing myself with the practice. I am glad to see that I am not alone. But more than anything, I am reminded that writing is not about pleasing the masses, it is about expressing oneself. At this stage in my life, there is little point in writing another book for the sake of how “publishable” it seems. I want to get it published, but that is not what matters to me the most. What matters to me most is writing something good that expresses me.
So that is what I am doing. I am returning to a project that I have tried desperately to get published and not yet found success. I am returning to it because though I haven’t yet found a publisher or agency that believes in it, I know that it is good. And if I know it, well then, it must be true.
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